accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others' evaluations
drives people to attempt to achieve unattainable ideals or unrealistic goals
Perfectionists strain compulsively and unceasingly toward unobtainable goals
Our dangerous obsession with perfectionism is getting worse
We tend to hold perfectionism up as an insignia of worth. The emblem of the successful
limited evidence that perfectionists are more successful.
Quite the contrary
they feel discontented and dissatisfied amid a lingering sense that they're never quite perfect enough.
Young people today are more preoccupied with the attainment of the perfect life and lifestyle
In terms of their image, status and wealth.
more likely to report being materially rich as among their most important life goals
In this new visual culture, the appearance of perfection is far more important than the reality.
The notion that hard work always pays off.
we're captains of our own destiny
These ideas, they connect our wealth, our status and our image with our innate, personal value.
Metrics, rankings, lead tables have emerged as the yardsticks for which merit can be quantified and used to sort young people
This is a society that preys on insecurities
Insecurities about how they are performing and how they are appearing to other people
This is a society that amplifies their imperfections.
That feeling of being flawed and deficient is especially pervasive
perfectionism is never about perfecting things or perfecting tasks.
It's not about striving for excellence.
is about perfecting the self.
Or, more precisely, perfecting an imperfect self.
self-oriented perfectionism
the irrational desire to be perfect: "I strive to be as perfect as I can be.
socially prescribed perfectionism
the sense that the social environment is excessively demanding: "I feel that others are too demanding of me.
feel a unrelenting need to meet the expectations of other people
that the better they do, the better that they're expected to do.
This breeds a profound sense of helplessness and, worse, hopelessness
other-oriented perfectionism
the imposition of unrealistic standards on other people: "If I ask somebody to do something, I expect it to be done perfectly."
perfectionists are typically bright, ambitious, conscientious and hardworking
a little bit of self-compassion, going easy on ourselves when things don't go well, can turn those qualities into greater personal peace and success.
how we are structuring society and whether our society's heavy emphasis on competition, evaluation and testing is benefiting young people.
It's become commonplace for public figures to say that young people just need a little bit more resilience in the face of these new and unprecedented pressures
Every time they are knocked down from that mountaintop,
they see no other option but to try scaling that peak again.
The ancient Greeks knew that this endless struggle up and down the same mountain is not the road to happiness
Their image of hell was a man called Sisyphus,
doomed for eternity to keep rolling the same boulder up a hill, only to see it roll back down and have to start again.
life will often defeat us, but that's OK. Failure is not weakness.
But most of all, if we want our young people to enjoy mental, emotional and psychological health,
then we will invite them to celebrate the joys and the beauties of imperfection as a normal and natural part of everyday living and loving
